I need a facewash

For the first time since my brothers moved out, I wish they would move home. I need someone to throw me mercilessly into the snow. They were always there to stay up all night, waiting for enough snow to make the first snowman out of the first inch of snow. We always put trays of snowballs in the freezer to eat with maple syrup for dessert, and made forts and tunnels with secret cubby holes to hide our treasures from the neighbour kids. I haven't had a proper facewash yet, and it's been over 24 hours! I'm going into withdrawal.

I feel like an only lonely child.

Suran-Wrap pictures.

The Attack.




The Retalliation.

ah, blog. How long it has been! I didn't forget about you, honest!
I was just, well, really I was more thinking about you than anything... I thought quite a few times about what I would write if I were to visit you again... but I felt initimidated by the disappearing scope... and so I avoided you.
But no more! I herby declare, that I shall, right here and right now, tell you everything I thought about telling you in the last stretch of silence until now, but didn't. here we are:

I thought about telling you how I was wondering if it were bad that I seem to feel no guilt in breaking rules if I think they’re wrong. For example, I may feel only very slightly bad by putting Starbucks coffee in a Rizetto cup at the school cafeteria, because the prices are waaaay to high? (I haven’t, and won’t do that, by the way) Like how I just don’t pay for parking because I think it, too, is too expensive. (Although, I will have you know, since I had THAT thought, I have had three! parking tickets!)

I think I’ve pretty much always been like that. Probably because of dad. He used to eat jube-jubes in the store before we paid for them. I digress.

I wondered about asking you why I am such an arguer. Why am I such an arguer? Why do I always challenge and question? Why can't I just let things be like they are? Oh yea, because then they would never change. I remember.

I thought of telling you that I realized I have no guilt. Now THAT was a joyous day.

I thought about telling you that I have a boyfriend. But that would be a lie, and I never lie. Now THAT is a lie. Now who's the liar? Now which lie is the lie, and which true is true? Ha!

I did however, realize that I have a crush on brilliant.

The worst thing I didn't tell you is that someone stole my toque.

I'm putting up Missing postors on Monday. As a reward, I'll crochet a new toque (or three!) for the returner! Or even money, or candy.

Pretty much, all my creativity has been sucked into trying to figure out blasted finacial ratios for a blasted brilliant business plan we're working on and I have no interesting thoughts left. Literally. I'm just sitting here, listening to myself type, waiting to see what will come next. Having conversations with people, some imaginary, some real. The people I mean, not the convestations. The conversations are all real.. no wait the people are all imaginary... no wait... "That can't be right, because that doesn't make sense"(Matt) "Auntie Heather, thank you for the sour candies you gave me in my dreams!" (Jack)... erm.. good bye! hopefully I shan't be long in visiting. Cheerio!

love.

this is the first day of school. oh yes. i feel like i could change this campus inside out, upside down with one or two allies... and i bet we will, too! ('cept i don't bet.) we're going to pray to the God and stir ourselves to love and action.

>>i hate it when i've been talking on my phone and it gets all hot and makes my cheek hot.
>>i hate black monday's. especlially when they aren't monday's.
>>but i'm going to montreal, so i don't even care!

...this is what I've been learning about love:

"Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove." (Shakespeare) Love also is not love that sits on it's lazy arse, drawing hearts and writing pretty emails and saying "bless you", but never getting up and inconveniencing itself to help someone.

Love must COMPELL us to ACTION. I think love, real love, compels us to action beyond what is "fair". Our love is so strong that it will pursue to the very end, through all injustice and pain, bad friendship and betrayal, to and end that has been written in our hearts.

I think I have missed the point of love being SACRIFICIAL. Check this out: "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. AND HE DIED FOR ALL, THAT THOSE WHO LIVE SHOULD NO LONGER LIVE FOR THEMSELVES BUT FOR HIM WHO DIED FOR THEM AND WAS RAISED AGAIN."

"And love must be sincere..."

it's time for us to shine...

Last Days and First Days

So, I had my last day at that gym on Thursday. I slept in and was five minutes late. AHHH!! But it wasn't really so "aahh!", actually. Five months ago, it definatley would have been an "aaahhh!!" moment, it would have stressed me out terribly, and could possibly have spoiled the whole day. But this Thursday in particular, it didn't phase me. And no, not because I'm so used to it happening that I've learned how to deal with it, but because I have learned how to take control. I have learned how to recognize a bad situation, and rise above. It's a very good thing to be five minutes late, and possess the self control and peace to honour my mum by not speeding (very much). It was a good day overall. I almost cried when my favourite member left, for the last time, and I realized that I'll never have those long chats with her again while she works out. We talked about everything, mostly about her family. Who they are, what they do, how they resond and come together. We talked about my future, about current affairs, work, dreams, a little of philosophy. I really had come to love her without realizing it. Here's to Kathy. I sincerly wish her all the best, and wish her and her family salvation.

So it's all coffee and fashion from here! School starts Tuesday. THAT is going to be an "aaahhhh!!" moment.

PS Listen to this music: www.myspace.com/christablack

I'm sitting on my sundeck, listening to the little boys next door race their little cars over little pebbles making little rumbling noises.
oh the beauty of being small.

life has been fun lately, I have to say. I am sitting on my sundeck, becuase I have a new laptop. that is cool.

last week, a prank war was started and I'm pretty thrilled. and pretty satisfied. we suran-wrapped their cars. i mean, we really suran-wrapped their cars.
5000ft of that wonderful sticky stuff!

This is basically the dialogue:
"woooooot!"
"who's the weiner now?!"
"erm, guys, I think we should get going now."
"wooohooo!"
"at least you still have your dignity"
"are you sure this is his car?"
"yea"
"hey mr. neufeld? can you tell me you son's lisence plate number? ... thanks so much! okay, bye!"
"okay, seriously we have to leave now. they'll be done any minute!"
"i do not want my name connected to this in any way!"
"oh sweet. that looks SO GOOD!."
"lets just go around one more time, for perfection. just to be sure."
"no no, we REALLY need to go now"
"haha, they won't catch us!"
"aaaaahhhhh!!"
"yoou WEEINERRSS!!!"
"get in the car! run!"
"drive, heather, drive!"
Vrooooomm....
"i feel so SATISFIED."

and what will come of it? just you wait.

And I can also tell you that the fact that I said "suran-wrapped" instead of the technically correct "cling-wrapped" is the danger of becoming a "super-brand" where your brand name becomes synonymous with the product itself, and the public ceases to recognize your brand name as a brand; it becomes the product name. that is the danger of over-advetizing, and becomeing too huge. Examples inlcude Kleenex TM, not the correct household name we have come to adopt. Another example is Escelator. Who knew? I know that because I'm going to business school. That is also cool.

There's more, but I'm not going to tell you ;)

i LOVE superheros

reid: "i'm a superhero!"
me: "oh, sweet! do you have a superhero name?"
reid: "yea. Superhero Reid. becuase that's what superheros are all about! CHAAAARGE!"


ah the life of a nanny! i am SO GOOD at being a choo-choo train. Driver, conductor, pirate, engineer, sailor, monstor, artist, chaser, "it"... you name it, i'm it.

yesterday reid was halfway through going to the bathroom when he comes and stands at the doorway where me and his brother are. pants down, he's wiping his bum.
me: "reid, are you done going to the bathroom?"
reid: "no"
me: "you need to finish going to the bathroom IN the bathroom"
reid: "ah, i'm WIPING!" (in a very know-it-all, matter-of-facty tone of voice as though i didn't know the first, last or third thing about going to the bathroom)

wisdom learned from reid, 3 years old ("almost four!"):
"slinkey's stay in houses. all of them. because they get lost. everywhere they go they get lost! slinkey's aren't allowed to leave."

braiden gets upset when i leave now. :) i feel so loved!

now I have THREE jobs. i'm so essited! nanny, "fitness technition" and barista!

can't stop listening to david crowder*band - illuminate. mmm. good ceedee. mmm.

"well, bye!" ~carly

Love Zoe

Life, I think

is the biggest faith challenge I will ever face.

I'm not talking about faith IN things, but faith FOR things. You see, I would just about love my socks off to have a life like hers (http://www.xanga.com/YellowSparkler13). to fly off randomly, and have God just connect me withe people out of the divine blue... to have opportunties I could never create... to FLY...

Can I believe for it? Do I believe God could do stuff like that with me? Or will I be stuck in little old Langley forever? And will I see it as little old Langley forever, or will I see it as the future centre of all excitement and adventure?

Anyway, enough musing. We went away for the weekend to be ourselves, and to discover more of what 'being ourselves' is.

ventrilaquist?

Good morning! Before we get too serious, I have joke to read!

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife said she had always wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof! The wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He pulled the fairy aside, and whispered, with a glance at his wife, "I have always wanted to have a wife 30 years younger than me." So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof! The husband was 90.

You have to understand something here. See, I work at this all-ladies gym, you see. It's the sort of gym that draws these elderly women, see, who all want to be a grandmother, and there are university students, and middle aged women some with their pre-pubescent daughters... All of them together is like one big living room at grandma's for high tea!

It's actually a lot of fun, despite the dramatic shift from financial planning. I find myself wanting to keep myself busy with stacks of paper, and phonecalls and growth ideas and client service brainstorms while I'm talking to these ladies with a cleaning rag in hand. You can take the girl out of the business, but you can't take the business out of the girl! Hot dog!

(the above is a tribute to the amazing speaking patterns of C Peter Wagner, a grandfather to all)

Sebastian and Zulu wrote a poem once over msn when we were working so hard.
she clicks
she sticks
she's the beginnings of a poem
she's the echo of a bomb
she's hidden away
she's coming out in a round-about sort of way
she's exploding on the front page news
she's running away for better views
she never asked for more than what her hands could hold
she's run so far she'll never get cold
she's fearless in the mist of fear
she's walking down right off the pier
she's diving into an destiny of unknowns
she'll never bow to their king, but she’ll wear the best of their crowns
she'll take the territory
she's a cut from the quarry
she won't tame her heart
because she is His art. /or/
all in all she is His art. /or/
she'll never glorify a fart /or/
our poem ends to cries of, "Tart! She's a tart!"

we never really decided the ending.

okay stink fast update!

(I hope I can find some creativity in me so this isn't just like a boring old calendar...)

my calendar is by Ansel Adams and it came from this girl.

i have 3 MORE DAYS LEFT with this company. excellent people to work with, overall. just a bit of a bore. (the industry, that is). these are some of my favourite memories:

January 19, 2004
Today at our staff meeting, Rod looked like British beans and toast. He was wearing a swamp-green, brownish turtleneck and brown plaid pants. They were talking about something regarding which I had nothing to say… But then I noticed that he looked straight off the plane from Liverpool! Then I imagined him eating beans and toast for breakfast and it made me laugh inside. But then I looked at his clothes again, and he looked like beans and toast!!! I tried gallantly to hold it in, but alas, I snickered and then I could not hold it back and I laughed and laughed and got really hot because of the energy I was exerting to hold back the laugh that would not be held back and because I was embarrassed because I think they all thought I had ADHD. But really, he looked like beans and toast – wouldn’t you have laughed?
June 21, 2004
Caller: Hello, is Rod available?
Me: Rod is actually on holidays right now…can I take a vac— can I take a message?
Caller: Umm, no—…did you just say ‘Can I take a vacation?’
Me: Yes! I was hoping you wouldn’t notice!
Caller: Well you can! I don’t mind!
Me: *red*
August 11, 2004
someone just absolutely made my day! He calls and without saying his name, asks who he’s talking to. "Zoë", I say. There’s this pause, and then I hear him singing…Let me tell you how it will be\There's one for you, nineteen for me\Cos I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman…That’s when I knew it was Adrian. He just wanted to make sure I was still into the Fab Four.
August 11, 2004
Rod was up at my desk reviewing work with me, and felt a sneeze coming on. He leaps over to the front door, flings it and lets out this huge sneeze, not holding a thing back right into the hallway to keep the germs out of our office. !! You really gotta see it once. At least once. Everybody.
January 12, 2006
Today Len Selby called.
Len: SO I HEAR YOU’RE QUITTIN’!
Zoë: Yea! Well, quitting isn’t really the word we’ve been using, but-
Len: AH! THERE’S HARDLY GOING TO BE ANY POINT IN COMING THERE ANYMORE!
Zoë: (almost feeling bad as Cassandra was listening to the call) Oh! Well, you still have Cassandra, (insert a spontaneously eruption of laughter from Cassandra) and Jenn here!
Len: OH, THAT WON’T BE ENOUGH!
Zoë: (not quite knowing what to say) Well, it’s not until March, so it won’t be for a while yet....
Len: SO, WELL, WHERE’RE YA GOIN’?
Zoë: ... And from then on, the conversation was normal
January 17, 2006
Valerie Scrubb from MRS: Hey Zoë! Do you still have that cold?
Zoë: Uh…. yea… (Zoë, confused, does not have a cold, and has not had a cold for months)
Valerie: Oh yea, you REALLY sound like you have a cold! Mmm ha ha… hmmm.. okay then, about that leverage application...



this is what I can't seem to stop listening to lately




this summer i'm going to be guiding tours to las montanas de rocky with clubESL. for ESL students. i will love it and i will grow.



really though, i'm just learning a lot right now about myself, and how i see people, and how i see God and about life and how it was meant to be done and how i do it. it's cool because it equals change. i like change.

i'm deciding whether or not i want to go to school or find some sweet job somewhere. what do you think? i used to think school was for people who were too scared to learn things for themselves in the real world. but now i know that school is for people who aren't so cocky as to think they can learn it all themselves in "the real world". what even is the real world anyway? where is it if it isn't here? or arrogant, whichever you prefer. i've been both.



these are some of my favourite quotes from our office:
Rod: Zoë, is there one ‘g’ in Lego or two?

Rod: Zoë, you are a very unique creation!

Rod: You look like a sheet of paper!

Rod: Zoë, sometimes your requests are unbearable.
(after Zoë asked for a pen from “over there”)

Jenn: Oh right, walls block things.

Scott: Woa there’s a lot of sugar in here!
Zoë: Too much?
Scott: No! It’s helping me!

Rod: I just had two thoughts, one immediately after the other!

Rod: Salut, mon pot!

Zoë: Oh, that was good humour…I just didn’t laugh.

Scott: So at Seh-Mi, this guy walks around the corner with a huge tub of rice.
Scott: That’s it.

Scott: if we were monkeys we would live in the same forest
(after realizing that he and Zoë had a similar opinion)
and earlier that day: if we were vegetables we would go agreeably together in a pot of stew
(regarding our similar senses of humour and like-mindedness)

Rod: I really like that shirt, Zoë. It’s very nice. It makes you look tough… and manly.
Zoë: Thank you.
Rod: Zoë, let this not be a Godzilla moment. It genuinely is a nice shirt.

Rod: Oh No! I just got hungry again but I’m already fat! I hate it when that happens!

Jenn: Has she brought some in to the Other Ones, yet?
(referring to ‘the Clients’ meeting with Rod)

Jenn: I never said I wasn't a geek!

Scott: i dunno, zoe - i think i smell something fishy
Scott: and i'd like to trade for it with a beaver pelt



that's all for now. thanks for listening! hope it wasn't boring, oh yes!

I hate that feeling when you have NO IDEAS. I’ve been working on one design for THREE WEEKS and can’t get ANYWHERE.

I’ve made a cool drawing, and found lots of good fonts and photos, but NO FINAL DESIGN.

why can't I do that?
<<

I should do something else now.

I think that, when I’m off work, I’ll make a hoodie and try to sell it for money. Because I won’t have money when I stop working. Okay.

And I think I might try photography again. And maybe I’ll sell those for money too. Because that would be a nice thing to say I did once. Alright.

These are the things I want to learn:
Design. I want to learn how to be clever. I put too much pressure on myself right now to be clever with no education. (or real experience)
Fashion design. What makes a good design good? What are the rules and secrets to flatter each body type? How to sew properly and make patterns and sizes.
Entrepreneurial skills. How to start a business, and make it successful, and how to find out if there’s a market out their for the ideas in my head.
Business and people management. I want to be the best boss ever. But also highly profitable.
Secret rules of photography. What are the things no one ever notices, but completely make or break a photo?
Language. Someone cool is going to learn 5 languages by the time he’s 22. Me too, please! I will revisit Spanish, and get it fairly fluent. Then I want to learn Japanese. Swahili. French. No no no no! Not French! Maybe some European language.
Cell leadership. I want to be a really good cell leader. I want to pray and study for them. Not facilitate, but lie down and let them walk on my back across the gulf.

OkayThankYouu! OkayByeee!

Death.

Death is really funny in how final it is. To humans, at least. I almost can’t take it.

And, like, … he’s gone… just gone. I’ll never talk to him again. Never hear any news again. Never be able to pray for him. It’s so final. He’ll never be able to change his mind, or go back and do things again.

Oh how I hope he maybe softened his heart and let the light of Jesus in on his damaged frozen soul! How I hope to be surprised, and I see his soft, honest face in heaven!

Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. (Rev.3.2-3)

Strengthen what remains.
Family remains.
Strengthen his family.

I’m sorry, God, that my deeds have not been found complete in your eyes! Would you fill me up to all the fullness in Christ!

So sorry if I randomly get quiet, and maybe cry… It’s just that when I think about it the right way, it fills my heart with water that comes out my eyes, and makes my heart heavy.

observance

i just realized that the reason i haven't been posting hardly at all lately is because i went into observance overload.

sometimes when you like to observe and make conclusions and funny little sentances, you're thinking so much about what to conclude from life, and how to write about it, that you forget to live it. at least i did.

so sorry if i bore you now
i'd really rather live now
so speaking of the living how
i might work as an ESL guide in the summer
i think it would be scary and fun and growing all together, now

Don’t Stand Too Close

Don’t stand too close to me
Just yet.
I still like the click of my heels
Sounding out my life on the rounded course.
I’m partial to my shiny hair,
Aerodynamic so weather slips off my head
On the dangerous ground.
Rising heat, oppressive cold;
This strange world, so new and captivating is
Seducing me to lean farther out on the edge than
I had planned.
For now, I like to fly off the handle,
Spin with no strings attached.
I like to take flight now and then,
Launched by small thoughts that run away with me.
I’m not craving, yet, the pitt-patt of
Stocking-ed feet
Tangled musses of hair
Or responsibility on my hip
Found closer in.
But I’m on my way.
So don’t stand too close
Or I might lean too far and
Never let you hold me close.

~a poem i wrote last spring.



Today my PAPERMATE pen wouldn’t work, so I MICROWAVED it. I wasn’t acting out of anger, but was hoping to warm it up and loosen the flow of ink… but to no avail.
Then since my lack of anger didn't seem to work, I tried acting out of anger and thought about MELTING it for revenge…. But decided my boss wouldn’t appreciate it very much. (So I didn’t).